Gotcha Day!

Saturday was Lizzie's Gotcha Day.  On that day, one year ago, we had visited with her for 3 days and she was finally released to us to spend our next 30 days bonding before officially adopting her.  Though our visitation time was short, it was still difficult to leave her each day.  But, I believe it was healthiest for her as she transitioned and am thankful for the way the process is completed in Hungary.

Lizzie enjoyed us from the beginning; we were fun and exciting.  She had not spent much time outside of her foster home in those three years.  She was kind and affectionate and began calling us Mommy and Daddy and saying "I love you" immediately.  This is also how she was coached by the social workers and facilitators.  "Here are your new mommy and daddy and brother and sister - say I love you."  And she did.
On that Gotcha Day, though a new season began for me and my sweet girl.  While I was constantly thankful that she was always kind to John Reese and Ellie and mostly Reese - we went through some quite difficult days.
Our mornings would begin with having to wake her by opening the curtains at 8:30 or 9.  She prefers to wake up on her own - we get that now :).  I would begin a morning routine of trying to rub her back or give her a good morning hug and she would push me away, turn her face, wipe my kisses off and choose not to look at me.  Then she would give good morning hugs and kisses to everybody else.    She would avoid talking to me, not answer questions, push away food I gave her and probably more that I, thankfully, don't remember.
The days would progress this way with us having some break throughs throughout the day.  When every one else was tired in the afternoons, I would let her ride my back around the apartment pretending I was a dog or I would race her up and down the halls outside of our room.  Encouragingly, she did always want me to take her potty and read her books at night.  She grew very attached to our night time routine, although when all books were read and prayers and songs were finished, she usually wanted me to sit in a chair beside her while she fell asleep refusing hugs, snuggles, rocking.
And this is pretty much the way things were for 30 days.  We had lots of breakthroughs throughout those days -but we were all a little worried.
God provided such peace for all of us, and I was constantly comforted and reminding Reese and John Reese and Ellie that she was resisting me because I was number 3 Mommy and she had to see if I was going to hang around even she was pushing me away.
I still remember the day that we had been home a week, and Ellie and I ran to Target and she asked for me the entire time and was close to tears.  I got big hugs and kisses when I got home.  We were all so excited.  It was such big news for us "Yay, Lizzie missed Mommy today and almost cried!"  Not a conversation I expected to have as a Mama, but that's where we were and we celebrated!
Lizzie has come so far in a year. Her language is amazing.  Her abilities to try new things impress us daily.  She is learning to read.  She loves to travel.  She makes friends easily.  She loves church.  She constantly talks with us about coming to get her in Hungary, her foster family and how she misses them  and is just really open with her emotions - which I think is so healthy.  And now she really does "love" her Mommy and Daddy and brother and sister - and all of her family!
Physically, she has grown 4 inches and gained 6 lbs in a year.  She has lost 4 more teeth and her small bowel is really not a significant issue.
God is good and faithful and true!  I am reminded of this constantly and again so thankful and privileged to have been called on this journey!
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, to Him be the glory."

Christmas and more

We are so thankful for an amazing Christmas with our Lizzie.  Last year we had gifts out for her including a suitcase and a Bitty Baby, but what a joy to watch her this year.  We were all so excited for her.  She enjoyed shopping and choosing gifts for her brother and sister - and me and Reese, too and even used her own money to buy one gift.
We packed in all we could in a month including the Botanical Garden lights, baking and decorating cookies, lots of Christmas books, traveling to see family and friends, shopping, Church Christmas programs, wrapping gifts and movies.
I wish I would have used a video camera while driving through the lights at the Botanical Gardens - oh my - Lizzie was hilarious "Look, look - pretty, pretty - wow!"  All at a very loud and high volume :)

We have begun our second semester of homeschooling, and Lizzie amazes me each day with all she is able to learn.  She is sounding out words, identifying some sight words, great with math and loves to sing and play games.  I didn't homeschool John Reese and Ellie for kindergarten - so this is really fun - and also challenging at times - mostly to get her to sit still and pay attention.  But - oh - how rewarding to be the one with her when things "click."  It is a precious blessing that I am able to do this and I am truly thankful.

There are a few new people checking in on this blog as more and more people are becoming interested in Hungarian adoption - some due to the recent (and sad) ban on Russian adoptions.

I am so thankful that God led us to Hungary because that is where our daughter was.  We loved our time in Budapest and miss it every day.  At this time last year we were packing our suitcases to leave - what an exciting time for our family.  I am glad we went to Hungary, but I am mostly glad that we obeyed.

I cannot imagine our life without Lizzie.
It is not the same, and it is not easy -but God is good and our days are filled with much laughter and joy and peace!

Every day is not easy and there are things I never have had to deal with and don't always know how including:

"I already had a mom.  I miss Gingi.  I want to go back."  Now, that may sound alarming, and it is not anything you can prepare yourself to hear as a mom, but the truth is I am thankful she has happy memories and misses her foster family.  And, when she says she wants to go back, she doesn't mean without us, she is just homesick for the home she had for three years.  We talk and pray and she moves on.

It is not always easy for me to deal with her "delays."  Though it is so clear she is very bright and capable and her delays are caused from lack of exposure - I still am weak at times and compare her to other seven year olds or remember what John Reese and Ellie were able to do at these ages and I kind of panic wanting to "catch her up."  But that is not her story or her journey, and I know that God will use this time in her life to teach us both many lessons.

I am older!  She is very energetic and talkative, and, at times, I am worn out!

She is so tiny, and, at times, I have fear about wanting her to be a "normal size." But God constantly reminds me that he took care of her for six years - He's got this!

And that's the biggest lesson I have learned over this year - I am here to be used by God - not to fit Him into MY plans!  I pray I learn to live like this more each day.

Prayer

Prayer Journal Entry Nov. 2011

Please, please Lord let her love her brother and sister equally.  Please let her immediately accept them and adore them as they already do her.  Please let her not be MEAN to them as she adjusts.

Prayer Journal Entry Nov. 2012

Thank you Lord that it seems like they have always been siblings.  Thank you so much for these sweet bonds that exist between all three of our children. It is amazing to watch.  Thank you Lord that Lizzie loves them equally and enjoys different activities and special times with John Reese and Ellie.


Wow!
God is so good!  I do not always prayer journal.  As a matter of fact, from the time we got Lizzie home until recently my prayer life has been more of survival/thanks/and please remember so and so. And every time I think of someone I need to pray for, I just do it right then because I know the thought might not come back to me for a while.  I want to go back deeper with God, and this season of bringing Lizzie home has filled me with peace and contentment and a truly thankful heart.  But I just haven't had a lot of words, and those I have had have not made it on paper.
So... I am journaling this to remind myself of His goodness and faithfulness, not mine!

Reflecting on God's Amazing Grace

As I sit here and watch Reese work in the yard and see the changing colors of the leaves and pumpkins on the front porch, I remember so vividly the way I felt at this time last year. I was beyond ready for our Lizzie, and we were not receiving any news that led us to believe that we would have a referral soon.
I so badly wanted to take in the moments with our family of 4 and not wish any moments away, but I was just desperate to get to our girl!
Two years ago this month, I had a conversation with a friend about their family adopting a little girl from China with special needs. (Also thinking in my mind, "Wow that they could do special needs - no way could I and especially not Reese - and our Lizzie does have some medical needs that cause her to be labeled "Special Needs") - God is amazing and so much bigger than we can imagine.
She shared that God placed this on her heart before he did her husband's and she just began to pray for him and within months they were pursuing adoption.
I was standing in my church parking lot and was totally overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions.
From the moment we were told Ellie would be Ellie - Reese just knew our family was complete.  There were days that I was totally overwhelmed with having two children two years apart, but there were soooo many days that I felt like we were not finished and that somehow we would have another child.
I would walk by our guest room (that room is now Ellie's and the "guest room" became Lizzie's) and pray that if God didn't want it to be empty that somehow He would show me His plan and why I had these desires for a third child, when Reese was so sure.
I prayed for a submissive heart and spirit and God was faithful.
It never dawned on me to pray for Reese's heart to be opened to adoption.  He said "no" and I certainly didn't want to manipulate him.  He was (and is) such an active Daddy that I didn't want him to feel stretched.
But that afternoon in the parking lot - it was like God whispered - "It's time to pray."  Within weeks of that day, I knew we would adopt a daughter.  I prayed beside my bed one Saturday morning (after finishing Mary Beth Chapman's book - Choosing Joy) and as I was praying God gave me a vision of our Lizzie.  It was the back of her and she had dark curly hair and was in pajamas and I thought she looked about 3 or 4.  On that day - she was 4.
This vision was crucial to us following His plan because in all the years that I had discussed adoption with friends or with Reese - I would say "If we adopt (Reese shaking his head - no, no, no) then I would want to get the tiniest baby - I want to go somewhere to get a baby."  I LOVE babies!  I love everything about a newborn - the smells, the wrinkles, the toes, the yawns!!! LOVE IT!!!
But, God showed me a little girl that I would mother - and I knew it was from Him.
I was concerned that I was a bit emotional after reading Mary Beth's story - but I just knew it was HIM.
So... when I went to Reese with all of this that was going on in my heart and mind - I said, "And the biggest reason that I know this is God, not me - is that she is not a baby - I think she will be older."
Last November 23, we received the referral pictures of our Lizzie, then 5 almost 6 - and for about a month, everyone around me rejoiced.  Ellie's first words were "Oh Mom, 6 is better, then it's like we can be friends!"  Precious girl.  But I must admit that while I KNEW she was ours, I was completely OVERCOME with FEAR!  Fear about her past and how much of it was spent NOT in our family, fear that she would be old enough to NOT like us, fear about all she could have been exposed to, fear she would not like homeschooling (she was in kindergarten) and really alot of FEAR that I couldn't love her like I needed to because I wouldn't have those years to "baby" her and carry her around and hold her.
Well this precious, independent daughter of ours has spent many hours in my arms and on my hip, she loves to play "baby" and even asks me to feed her sometimes.  She is thankful for everything we give her, she is happy and considerate AND she is active enough to keep up with the big kids without a nap, and can take long hikes and bike rides and stay up late for movie night!

I have fallen completely, head over heels in love with my new daughter.  The sweet smell of her breath and she falls asleep with a strand of her hair and her thumb in her mouth, her sweaty toes, her pretty little neck, her messy hair in the morning, her contagious joy.

She has won my heart and I am so thankful! And, I know that I am able to love her like this because and through the love of Christ.
And.... wow, that He loves me like this - and so much more!  That He adopted me into his family as a 12 year old with some pretty special needs - I can't imagine my bio information if He were to have been emailed....  She is moody, picky, can be rude, very selfish, from a dysfunctional home, allergies, acne, needs braces... :)
I am so thankful for the beautiful gift of adoption ... of His grace.
"For it is by grace you have been saved through faith and this is not from yourselves. It is a gift of God." Ephesians 2:8

Homeschooling Three - the Truth!

We have started school and I am thankful to be back into routine.  Lizzie is able to sit for a couple of hours at a time - sometimes we don't sit that long, but glad she can do it.
She is learning the Days of Creation, her numbers, letters and so much more!  She is taking it all in very well, and we are so pleased with her progress.
She will gasp each day as she recognizes a letter she knows or sees something on a walk that we have learned about.  She is so full of excitement!  What a joy she is to us.  She says "God made the sun, the moon and the stars and then adds whatever she is seeing... snails, snakes, rocks, worms!"  She is getting the important stuff!
Our life is full and busy and not always so easy.  Homeschooling three is a challenge, especially keeping her quiet while the big kids work, but we are making progress in that area, too.
Lizzie started dance and Children's Choir last week and moved up in her Sunday School class.  I am so thankful that she can do all of this at our church and we don't have to move her around alot.
She will also start preschool on Thursdays next week.

I mostly keep this blog as a scrapbook to her to record her first year home, so I am careful to be honest, but also not to share the "yuck!"  I have recently felt conviction about FB and blogs only showing the cute, sweet memories with our precious children when there is so much that happens in a day with kids that is not cute or sweet.

Please know that our days are filled with that, too.  There are days when I think - "There are places for these kids to go - why on earth do we have them all at home?"  There are days when I want to go to Starbucks and Target all by myself and come home to a clean house without toys and school books everywhere.  The kids argue and complain - somedays over too much work, somedays because they do not like their hair (not John Reese), somedays over bedtime.  Some days we are just grumpy or rude or selfish - all of us - at different times - which makes for a long day!

But... I am truly blessed with these I have been given and pray that God will use me and guide me and fill in for all the things I miss or mess up!
And... there are sweet, sweet moments each day that I have the privilege of watching because we are all here!

 Morning exercises!

 First day of dance

 First day of school

Praises

I finally spoke with the GI doctor last week.  After undergoing more bloodwork and a series of tests to determine some malabsorption issues, we are starting a B12 nose spray once a week as her levels were somewhat low - not alarmingly - he said :).
And, though she is not completely absorbing certain sugars, as long as we are all ok with the digestive issues, it is not causing her any harm!  Again, he was just amazed at how great everything looked.
The biggest thing is that there are fewer worries if she is growing and gaining weight.  She definitely looks bigger and healthier - but there's not a big difference in her height and weight ... yet!  So, we will pray for her to grow and to be a healthy little girl!
She amazes us everyday with her language and also with her absolute wonder.
Yesterday on the way into church she said, "Mommy, pretty."  I said "Thank you!"  She said "No...outside"  I said, "Yes it is a beautiful day.  She said, "Yes, beautiful day!"  Though I thought the compliment was for me - so much better that it was for Him!!

First picture is the day we met her...

The Princess

Just wanted to post a few pictures of our little princess!  Lizzie is doing great.  Her English surprises us every day.  She did VBS last week and LOVED every minute of it.  She learned the songs and the motions and requests the CD EVERY time we get in the car!  She ran the 1 mile run at Cotton Row.  And was so proud of her blue ribbon.
She loved the balloons here Memorial Day weekend and cried all the way home the first morning because she wanted "more bloons!"  It was  just a big meltdown - which is never fun for mom and dad, but so different this time around - because she rarely does that - and she needs to be normal.  It really shows she is secure with us - which is a great thing.
We love this precious child more each day and are so privileged to be her parents.  We will dedicate her this Sunday morning - what an honor!
We stay so busy just enjoying being a family of five that I rarely have time to stop and be amazed at all God has done - but there are moments each week where He just stops me - so I can SEE that he is really A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!
"Mommy, I love you big, big, big!"
"This is MY sister and My brother!"
"Daddy, you are so cute!" :)
"If God is for us who can be against us ...whatever happens I know I can trust He is in control"
"Mommy, I like this song."
"Jesus is ALIVE" - yes He is!